Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Once the electrodes were in place and the electricty turned on, my physical therapist left me alone for a little bit, leaving me with nothing to do but sit and think (and I guess involuntarily contract my left shoulder muscles, but whatever, that's besides the point). My mind turned to the conversations that have been had with friends, family and my spouse in the last week. Most of these conversations have been focused on the future - specifically, what is going to happen for me and Jon and in the future. There are no answers or an exact plan as of yet, and I imagine that as the next few years start to unfold, the events that are yet-to-be-known will be met by me and Jon with a similar expression of uncertainty and surprise as the one illustrated above.
What I've found is that having one big question leads to another big question, which then leads to another question, and on and on and on. For example, this is what's been going through my mind lately. 1) Is this the year we attempt to expand our family? 2) If we do expand our family, where the hell would we put a baby in this apartment? 3) Does this mean we need to move to another apartment? 4) Or should we just move back to Ohio and into the house that I still own? 5) Or should we stick it out in the city and raise our family here? 6) But what do we do knowing that we want to be close to our families and they are all based in Ohio?
So there it is. The one question that sets all the other questions in motion. The advice I've been given is to deal with each thing as it comes up, but that creates a lot of anxiety for me. I would much rather prefer to have these questions answered before diving into the first question, but it feels like neither Jon nor I have any definitive answers for any of these questions.
We decided to revisit the first big question in a couple of months. In the meantime, I'll continue mulling over my thoughts and feelings about it, read this passage from Dear Sugar often (http://bit.ly/JuUBwg), and try not to worry about it too much, but instead trust that all will play out as it should.